Winter Geese-Revisions


I have been working on using more metaphors in my poetry. So, I revised Winter Geese a bit. It was inspired by a dream, which is a challenging way to write. Dreams don’t always translate well to the page.

I welcome feedback on the metaphors in the poem.

Thanks, in advance!

Winter Geese

I dreamt of a brother.

Long, long forgotten.

Memories jailed

like criminals.

He came, I’m sure when

I sent a missive.

I heard my sister’s

sweet remembrance of

a father’s love,

her white, laced dress,

tiny flowers in her

ringlet hair.

My soft voice

would only come

from heaven or

a dream.

I saw a strong man.

His eyes, tree-covered

mountains. His angst

an eagle’s wings.

His hands a valley,

lush, vibrant

and green.

Where had he been

all this time?

Did my father

send him?

I wanted to ask him.

My words burnt ashes.

I wanted to hold him.

My hands, dead branches.

“Wait” he said.

I’ll come for you.

But, he turned,

so I could no longer

see his eyes, star-filled

and midnight blue.

I couldn’t see.

I could only hear

the trumpeting sound

of the Winter Geese

as my eyes opened

to the misty-gray sky

of early morning.

Susan Ward Trestrail

One thought on “Winter Geese-Revisions

  1. Pingback: Winter Geese-Revisions | Writers' Workshops by Susan Trestrail

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