To Revise means to “re-see”. I am working on revisions for my MFA Thesis, and I am having trouble re-seeing my work.

My thesis advisor gave me insight into what might work better, but I am still struggling.

Below is one that I hesitated to tamper with. I loved it so much. However, as my thesis mentor said, the goal is to produce publishable work, so we have to be open to change. After all, we can always keep a copy of the original, right? You can’t do that with a painting.

What are your thoughts on this poem?

Orchid Metaphors

Between bed sheets
and orchid metaphors
She told me
of my soul

The description a truth
Uncanny

“Believe me when I say
I am able to see
The curve of the white petal

Like the renderings of Georgia
And her flora personified

Yours is abundant
As is the fragrance
Sweet honeysuckle and sage”

She told me of my soul
Yes it is pure white
Yet my cheeks a gentle rose

And my eyes blue iris
Held in a painted vase
Swirls and curls to hold

The colors of kindness
She sees others
But mine in the sweet dawn

And I am humbled
For it is pure grace
That brought me to this moment

Of soul telling in
Diamond light
And images of full, floral hearts.

What might you change? Be specific? This workshop is what I need to make my work publishable.

Thanks, friends.!

Susan